I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
