pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
