In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
