You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
