people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
