OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
