But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
