and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
