Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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