Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
