Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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