Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
