Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
