Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
