Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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