I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
