She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
