i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
