Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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