i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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