Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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