please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
