carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
