Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
