walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
