I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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