I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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