i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
