He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
