we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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