Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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