No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
