When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
