i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
