Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
