I wish I could punch you in the face.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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