If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
worst night to have a conscience
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
