just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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