I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
