I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
