I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
