I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
