there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
