I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
