They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
