so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
