farters have to be the big spoon...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
