Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Found your dick twin last night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
