3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
