I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
