It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
