Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
