i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
